I’ve been married a year and a half. I’m 29. I must be pregnant.
But wait, I’m not. HOW CAN THAT BE?! And furthermore, I don’t even want to be. WHAAAAAAAT?! Now, first thing’s first, I’m totally stoked for my friends who are pregnant or who have little ones of their own. I want to snuggle their babies and buy them hoards of sleepers and onesies and get excited about coloured skinny jeans for boys and adorbs headbands for girls. But my husband and I? We’re not there yet.
But really. Does any other young married feel like they’re under CLOSE SCRUTINY all the time because everyone is just WAITING for a pregnancy announcement?
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I’m sick this morning. Pregnant.
No wine for me thanks. Pregnant.
No coffee for me thanks. Pregnant.
Crying. Pregnant.
I drank a lot of tea and am in the washroom a lot. Pregnant.
Doctor’s appointment. Pregnant.
Any other unspecified appointment. Pregnant.
Wearing baggy sweaters. Pregnant.
Sick in general. Pregnant.
Hungrier than usual. Pregnant.
Decide to stop dying your hair for a bit. Pregnant.
Don’t order the shark fin at a restaurant. Pregnant.
Buying a house with room for children. Pregnant.
Slight weight gain. Pregnant (by the way you shouldn’t be mentioning this to people anyway)
Making your house kid friendly for your friends’ children. Pregnant.
Offering to babysit. Pregnant.
“I have something to tell you.” Pregnant.
Making big meals. Nesting.
Craving of any kind. Pregnant.
Buying a bigger car. Pregnant.
Wearing sensible shoes. Pregnant.
Hot flash. Pregnant.
Food aversion. Pregnant.
Mood swing. Pregnant.
You get the idea. And you think I’m joking, well a couple of those are joking, but MOST of them (seriously) are serious. I’m also not immune to it – when people refuse wine, have doctor’s appointments or “have something to tell me,” I always think they’re pregnant. I should also say I work for a baby store, where everyone is pregnant all the time and if you’re not then you’re trying to be, but it’s like this everywhere, from the second people get married.
Now I don’t hate everyone who’s like “PREGNANT!” and points their finger at me, and I’m not trying to shame anyone, but it kind of makes me think two things:
1. SHOULD I be pregnant?! Now I know everyone has a very strong stance on “DO NOT HAVE KIDS UNTIL YOU ARE REALLY READY. AND EVEN THEN, WAIT A YEAR.” which is something I’m sure I’ll understand about 6 months into being a parent.
2. When we *are* pregnant, HOW AM I GOING TO SURPRISE THESE PEOPLE?! And really, the only way I could surprise people is if we got pregnant on our honeymoon or if I get pregnant when I’m 40.
And finally, the last thing I’ll say on this topic, is that many many people try a long time to conceive before actually having a successful pregnancy. So when you do the finger point and shout pregnant in someone’s face, I hope you’re sure that they haven’t been trying for a year unsuccessfully 
Anyway, is there anyone else out there who experiences a similar thing? Leave me your story in the comments!
Could. Not. Have said it better. Totally agree with all points!!
Will also add one point – when accusing someone of being pregnant also be aware of the opposite possibility, being that they may have been pregnant and for any variety of reasons may no longer be pregnant at that moment. Painful.
And no, you should NOT be pregnant unless you want to be. And are ready to be. Sigh.
As for the surprise…. your guess is as good as mine!!
Maybe if I post something that’s like “PSYCH! I’m PREGNANT!” – THEN I’ll surprise people.
lol!! You couled make up some elaborate story about an alien abduction or something, and just when everyone thinks you’ve gone mental throw out PSCH I’m PREGNANT!
Just a little FYI…this NEVER changes.
Oh what a beautiful baby! When are you going to have another?
Oh, another boy! Are you going to try for a girl!
We actually haven’t been heckled about “the girl” yet or even if we’ll have #3. But there is NO rush to have babies. You’re young (gosh I hope, I’m 29 too…will be 30 in April!) and there’s so much time. Enjoy your married life, we were married 2.5 years when Braden was born!
I know, right? I think it’s a natural chain of conversation to think “So, are you going to try for a girl?” or “So… just 2 then?” People are curious but it’s kind of amazing that everyone says the SAME things! And here we were all thinking we were individuals!
Great post, Sarah. I’ve officially been married for three months, and my mother JUST sent me an email to make sure i’m “looking for a house near a daycare and plenty of schools.”
Yup, thanks for the advice. Super.
HAHAHA Lexie! “Thanks Mom. What would I do without you offering me this helpful advice?!”
Exactly, forget daycares and schools, house inventory is so low that we’re having a hard time finding a property that is fit for human habitation. We saw a house that clearly belongs to a hoarder, and yesterday we saw one with a stunning view of a cemetery.
And that’s why we’re kind of happy we moved away! We could actually AFFORD a house that wasn’t 2 years from sliding over a cliff or had been condemned.
Hey,
Great read by the way. Made me smile this morning. It’s all so true and it honestly never stops. Even after having one kid. Parents are always asking, when’s the next one coming, you shouldn’t wait too long cuz you don’t want them being too far apart…blah blah…Your friends think just cuz your not drinking that your pregant or that you should be..Just like your list. It’s all things I’ve heard before.
Have one when your ready, maybe you don’t even want kids, there’s nothing wrong with it. There’s nothing wrong with being cool aunt Sarah, you know what I mean. And if/when you guys decide, just tell everyone that you’re having twins, that’s a shock factor on it’s own…lol.
Hope you guys are well.
Les.
Sarah – great article! You are one of the most creative people on the planet – I have no doubt you will find a creative way to tell people!
Thanks Kristy and thanks for stopping by!